Smiles Come in all Sizes

I rescued Lucie from the SPCA over a year ago. They found her in a cardboard box on the side of the highway in the middle of winter nearly frozen to death.

I can’t imagine someone doing that to such a sweet little girl. She has been one of the best cats I’ve ever had. Sometimes all it takes is a second chance.

Wedding Bells and Broken Wallets

A lot has happened since my October 18th 2011 post. I am starting my last semester as an undergrad (so close to a worthless degree that will get me a solid job flipping burgers for a living!) and I FINALLY got engaged! This news was initially so exciting to me, I wanted to shout it to the world! I’ve been with my handsome fiancé (<— still hard to say) for six years, so this was a long time coming trust me. I’m not getting any younger and I don’t think my womb can handle seeing other people’s cute babies much longer. You would think with news like this, that I’d be floating on a cloud of newly engaged bliss alongside my equally blissed out fiancé as we drift down a river of love towards our pending nuptials on June 29th of next year.

Wrong.

Weddings are effing EXPENSIVE. I’m sure those who have taken the long walk are in agreement that their wallets were much slimmer after their special day. But seriously, WHY are weddings so expensive? Do people see us as targets for easy money? Cake cutting fees, dance floor fees, china and linen fees, set up tear down and corking fees? What is up with all of these hidden costs? My wallet can’t take this. Not to mention, my fiancé and I are paying for this wedding by ourselves.

I may not have mentioned this before, but I’m a poor college student. A poor college student who works RETAIL. I’m not exactly swimming in cash. My fiancé is an unemployed teacher who subs occasionally and works part-time at GameStop. And he is starting law school in the fall. He, too, is also not swimming in cash. In fact, I don’t think people realize exactly HOW poor we are. Let me break it down for you.

I got my W2 the other day. I made, for the ENTIRE year of 2011, a whopping $2600.39. NO, I didn’t forget a zero. I only made TWENTY SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS. I’m pretty sure people in third world countries are making more than me. My job doesn’t give out many hours, and I don’t want to find another job while in school because I would never have time to study. I have to rely on my student loans to pay my bills. When school is not in session, I rely on my credit cards for food, gas, etc. I DO NOT receive any government assistance. I don’t use foodstamps. I don’t have health insurance. If I get sick– heaven forbid– I pay out of pocket for my medical expenses.

So, how the hell am I supposed to pay for a decent wedding with what little I make? Well, I have no damn idea. I don’t like to ask for help, and I don’t expect to get any so I’m on my own. I am hoping that when I graduate in May that I can find a full time job doing SOMETHING to help me pay for this wedding. I’m going to be doing a lot of things myself (invitations, favors, etc) to save costs. I will most likely buy a cheap dress. One thing I won’t skimp on is my photographer. That’s the end of that. The truth is, Andrew and I are trying to do the best we can on our own to put this wedding together, but it’s crazy expensive, especially when you don’t have the money.

I was going to go to grad school but am now thinking that I may have to forego that for awhile until I have this wedding thing under control. I may have to suck it up and go work in a factory and possibly pursue school online. My fiancé is thinking of working in a factory for now to make ends meet. It’s not something we WANT to do, but we need to be realistic. I am driving a fifteen-year-old car that may not hold out for another couple years. I have no means to get another one right now. So, sometimes sacrifices need to be made. Ultimately I want to find a decent paying job in my own field so that I can provide for my children, and they will never have to go through what I am going through right now. I definitely want to be able to help my daughter (or son) plan their wedding someday without watching them go through the stress of trying to do it themselves. That’s not their job.

In the meantime, I’m trying to enjoy that ride down the river of love. My pending nuptials are honestly bringing me more stress than joy. But hey, there’s always the honeymoon to unwind. Not to mention, I’m just psyched about finally marrying the man of my dreams.

Like a Fine Wine

This morning as I was working my mind began to wander as it so often does when I am forced to do mundane tasks at an early hour. Today my mind wandered to the elderly community, and how we as a society treat them. I got to thinking about how other societies around the world treat their elderly. For example, in Asian communities, they are revered and respected for their wisdom. Their children take them in their homes as a way of showing their appreciation for raising them. The family unit is much tighter knit as well.

In our society, we put the old in homes to hide them away from the rest of the world. We are a culture driven by an obsession to be young. We forget that with age comes wisdom and that wisdom is a beauty much deeper than what any outside appearance can offer. We try to ignore them because we don’t want to be reminded that one day we too will walk slower, wear wrinkles on our skin, and be hard of hearing. Instead, we invest our time and money in skin creams, botox, and crazy diets in an effort to maintain an imagined youth as time etches thin lines across our brows.

To us, the elderly are a waste of time and space and don’t deserve all the benefits of the younger, more vibrant society. Because of this, we deprive them of a healthcare system that they have spent their entire lives paying into so that they can spend their golden years going broke due to mounting medical bills. Nobody helps old ladies cross the street; rather, we erect more self-sustainable “independent living communities” in order to keep them off the streets altogether.

We are ashamed of them, when really we should be ashamed of ourselves.

Embrace each wrinkle as a sign of growing wisdom, each grey hair as a symbol of surviving another hardship, and each ache as your prize for making it through your youth– a time when you were once naive, ignorant, and foolish.

The Best Parts of Fall

A pumpkin spice latte

Fresh local produce

Apples

The color orange

Bullies Stink

I have been really disturbed over the amount of bullying that has been seen in the media lately. Not because I think that it’s being given too much media attention, but that it is even a problem to begin with. I am so sick of hearing about kids going to school and being victimized by their peers. It’s disgusting and it needs to stop. I cried for the poor little boy from Williamsville High School that committed suicide due to the constant bullying he was forced to deal with every day. Nobody should be made to feel that their only means of escaping a bad situation is suicide. It is a problem that spans across our country like The Black Death.

I wanted to be a teacher so that I could make a difference in the lives of people like little Jamie who feel as if they don’t have anybody in the world to care about them. I wish I could tell these poor kids that high school ends and that there are people out there who are facing the same obstacles that they are. These kids often think that they are alone. If you work around kids of any age not just adolescents, please please be there for them if you notice that they are being bullied. Even giving them someone to talk to will make them feel less isolated.

I grew up in a small town with even smaller-minded people. We had two black students at our school. Two. I think our first hispanic student came into my school (not including foreign exchange students) when I was a Senior, and we only had two Asian students. Forget about having any students who were brave enough to come out as a homosexual in my school. It just didn’t happen. Acceptance of diversity is not something that I was ever taught. Tolerance was never spoken of. Maybe my teachers thought that if they brought up the issue it would draw more attention to it, or maybe it’s just because we had almost no diversity in my school. But I can say with certainty that I grew up around a bunch of red-necks who was prejudice against anybody who wasn’t white, straight, and middle-class. I am not saying that they were intentionally prejudice; perhaps it was just due to ignorance. However, whatever the case may be, I can’t imagine it would have been easy for anybody who didn’t fit into these categories required by my peers to attend my high school. In kindergarten, I was bullied something fierce by my classmates. I loved my security blanket and had one that my mother sent to school with me for nap time. However, a little girl next to me thought that the blanket should belong to her and stole it from me. When I tried telling the teacher, I was called a tattletale and told to stop trying to cause trouble. That is pretty traumatic to a five-year-old. I also suffered from the cliche “the kids stole my lunch” scenario. My mom would send me to school with a packed lunch, and the kids in my class would hover around me and steal it and laugh at me as they ate my lunch in front of me. Once again, when I tried to tell on those students I was called a tattletale and that was the end of that. The bullies won in that case.

If a someone comes to you and tries to tell you about a problem they are having with someone (this can even extend to workplace bullying, which is also a growing problem) please don’t brush them off like my teachers did me. Take the time to listen; it makes a person feel validated if nothing else. After these incidents when I was younger, I toughened up and became quite fiery when it came to dealing with my classmates. However, when I got to high school my peers (including some of my friends) liked to make fun of me for being fair skinned. Thanks to that, to this day I am extremely self-conscious of my pale skin and go tanning whenever I can to hide it (at the risk of getting skin cancer, no less). Words hurt. If you hear somebody being verbally bullied, step in and say something. Also, watch what you say to others. You never know what kind of an impact you may have on that person’s life.

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” ~Mother Teresa

Star Wars and Other Geeky Shenanigans

So I know I’m almost 35 years late on this fad, but I started watching the original Star Wars trilogy this weekend. I know, I know, I’m completely un-American. How could I have lived for almost 27 years without seeing the classic Lucas films that have been giving fanboys lightsaber-induced wet dreams for decades? I grew up hating space movies, so with a movie title such as Star Wars, I wasn’t too keen on hopping on this band wagon.

However, since I began dating my boyfriend I have been indulging my inner geek with interests I never knew I had before. For example, I grew up hating video games. I spent most of my time outdoors romping around in the woods with the neighbor boys, and my life had very little room for RPGs and 1st person shooters. One day, I was sitting in the living room watching my boyfriend play Bioshock, and I found myself completely enthralled with the story-line. I loved watching Andy explore the world of Rapture and save little sisters (or harvest them, if that’s your bag). I soon found myself picking up the 360 controller and taking on Big Daddies myself. This opened me up to try other games such as Left4Dead (ahhhh zombies, oh how I love them!), Halo, and Fallout 3 (those raiders got nothin on my laser rifle!). Thanks to my boyfriend, I am now keenly aware of all the newest releases (Skyrim 11/11/11 FTW) and which games are worth playing.

Opening up this portal of “geekdom” has made me realize I like other things that I may have not been aware of before. Thanks to this, I can now fully appreciate some of the references made on my favorite show, The Big Bang Theory, such as Sheldon’s wish to fuse his skeleton with adamantium. I also enjoy the dreams I have about fighting zombies on a beach with Optimus Prime (<— real dream). Had I not been introduced to the world of Transformers I may have had to fight those zombies solo! I get (some) Matrix references now that I have actually allowed myself to sit and watch these movies in their entirety, and since watching The Lord of the Rings I am now that annoying person in the room who shouts out “You shall not pass!!” to anyone who wants to get by me. Opening up my eyes to this culture and sharing it with others gives me a new hope (a-ha, a-ha, cheesy reference… get it?) for geeks who just want to be understood.

And here are some quick links for anyone who wants to indulge their own inner-geek.

Star Wars:

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/List_of_references_to_Star_Wars_in_movies

http://swguide.chez.com/text/swquote.htm

http://www.readjunk.com/articles/star-wars-trivia-the-most-obscure-facts/

Memorable Sheldon Cooper Quotes:

http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0064640/quotes

Bioshock Infinite Trailer=Amazing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pV_TDxl2UIo

High heels, music, and bibliophilia

On heels-   I see women running about in torturous looking high heels and I want to cringe with sympathy pains. I honestly don’t understand women who are obsessed with shoes. Granted, I do own quite a few pairs, but not because I need every outfit to have a matching shoe. I usually wear the same shoes every day. I will wear my flip-flops until there is snow on the ground. I absolutely love my Crocs, despite them being hideous. I DESPISE high heels and will only wear them under forced circumstances. They are extremely uncomfortable, and quite honestly I think they make me look like a hooker. I usually wear modest flats with my dresses, unless I am going somewhere fancy. I think it’s ridiculous to spend insane amounts of money on shoes that you are going to wear for five minutes before taking them off because your heels are on fire. I will not be the bride in five inch heels – that’s just stupid. Nobody sees your feet and you end up taking them off to dance. Who gives a shit about your shoes?

Music that moves- I like to think I have broad musical taste. Currently I am listening to Norah Jones. I love her soulful voice, and her music really moves me. Every once in awhile  I need to feel the smooth melody of an old soul, and Norah Jones certainly is that. She reminds me of Adele because they have similar voices. I don’t really care for most of her songs, but her newest one, “Someone Like You” makes me want to close my eyes and share her hurt. Despite being in a happy, stable relationship I can relate to the pain laced in the lyrics of her song. I have music to match every mood; I love The Eagles whenever I’m driving in my car on a warm evening. Usher’s “Yeah!” amps me up whenever I’m feeling a little down and am looking for a pick-me-up. MSI is great to blast when I’m pissed off at the world. There’s something about country love songs that remind me of past boyfriends and dramatic break-ups. Taylor Swift and Katy Perry make me feel young. The Beatles make me feel old. I embrace every occasion and mood I experience with music.

Books-

here are just some of the books I've picked up since the beginning of summer.

I’ve recently developed an obsession with book collecting. Part of me is afraid that with the emergence of electronic reading devices such as Kindle and Kobo that tangible books will vanish from existence. I am an English major, so I naturally love reading and want to expand my collection as much as possible. I hit up every library book sale in my area this summer searching for more great literary reads to add to my collection. I made multiple trips to my local Waldenbooks when it was going out of business to buy second and third copies of books I already own “just in case.” I plan to be an English teacher someday and my rationale for this is that I should have extra books on-hand in case I have students that want to borrow a good read from me. This rationale has caused me to amass a hefty collection of books in a very short amount of time — I’m talking somewhere in the ballpark of 150 books since June. I need an intervention. Perhaps there exists some sort of bibliophile’s anonymous I can go to in order to seek out help from people who have a similar problem. I probably only need to turn to someone sitting next to me in one of my English classes to find a fellow sufferer of bibliophilia.